Toxic Authenticity

it's the reason you're drained, not fulfilled

pc: jurien from unsplash

Privacy is good morals

- Vusi Thembekwayo

Trigger Warning

As I sit here at 1.09 am, the most drastic example of toxic authenticity that comes to mind is a video that trended on Twitter for a while.

Brace up, it’s disgusting.

Let’s call her, Lara (not real name)

Lara is a creator who in the name of ‘content’ and filming a Griwimme (GRWM), showed a shot of her fresh, hot, devastating pile of brown shit in the toilet.

As if that wasn’t enough, she must’ve thought ‘Nigerians love a show’ and proceeded to give the people a shot of her warm, congealed pad stained with period blood.

Yup, you read that right.

I can already feel your nose scrunch up and your face muscles squeeze.

I won’t apologise, I’m a woman on a mission (all I know about it, I know against my will.)

Stay with me Femi.

Whether she did it to intentionally rage bait, or to prove ‘idc I’m shameless,’ or to experiment, there must’ve been an element of wanting to be ‘authentic, honest, different, stand out’ and a ton of other gibberish.

The majority of people were irritated, and I'm certain you are too.

In this extreme situation, it's easy to pass a verdict and say, ‘Guilty, 20 years in prisni’

But I'll have you know, you might be a culprit too…and it's so well camouflaged, you do not know the sin you commit against yourself.

Curious?

There are two WhatsApp groups guilty of this

Group 1 -For Already Existing Creators

There are two sets of people here. You are either in this both or know someone that is.

You go through your life with an invisible lens of ‘how to make this into content’ and you share too darn much.

In the name of vulnerability & authenticity, and whatnot, you're sharing every facet of your life without a filter, and you wonder why you're able to gather an audience, but not monetize or be seen as a person of authority.

You wonder why you feel drained and misunderstood, even with all the noise you’re making.

You forget, that if everyone see that 6 out of 7 days, you're complaining about something, or always processing an emotion, or Nigeria is always doing you, they can have sympathy, empathy even.

There are some stories I’ll never tell even if you bring a million dollars.

There are some stories I’ll only tell when you bring a million dollars.

Because: if you were in a battle to the death, would you want a major that cries in the face of the enemy, or has a stone cold stoic look, razor sharp strategy, and ability to snap you into action?

What kind of major are you, based on what you put out?

Exactly…

That just delivered someone.

Set 2:

I promise this might sound crazy, but, these are the kind of people that are scared to show their growth for fear of losing an audience they garnered by being ‘relatable’

This one hits home.

I was anonymous for a while; and make no mistake, this wasn't because I was trying to be cool.

It was an excruciating, anxiety laden introversion.

You could taste my anxiety, it filled the room and sometimes held the door open for me to walk in. I was so socially crippled, I would rather spend my last card paying for delivery of food than go outside and order myself.

Showing up online at that point was akin to sticking a shard of glass in my obliques everyday…and I was very honest about that side of me.

Most people have labelled this as normal introverted behaviour, and initially being honest about it attracted a ton of people…like me

However, I started showing up so I can grow out of such a painful point in life. And boy oh boy, have I and do I continue to grow.

I went from chronically anxious to being featured in an AD that has been seen by over 17m Africans continent-wide.

From miserably shy to creating video content, speaking on stages, and talking boldly about my ideas, building a personal brand from 2am shower thoughts.

Authenticity means I can talk about my growth from that point on and my day ones can see that. It was beautiful

Guess what?

I started getting attacks on my identity labelled as observations of people saying;

‘Ah Leader, I don't think you're an introvert any longer,’

‘You're showing your face, are you sure you can still claim introvert’

Almost as if I betrayed the clan, by being less miserable.

Did I care?

No.

It is from this growth and lesson, people that were stuck in that painful path trust me enough to help them get loose and out of their shell.

This authenticity birthed the Global Introvert Circle, a circle where Introverts can feel safe and practice necessary interpersonal skills.

I've built a name, brand, & business because I refused to get stuck in the prison of ‘authentically keeping myself small to remain relatable’

I've flogged this horse enough

Let's quickly address the;

Group 2: I will start Creating, tomorrow NEVER

Your tomorrow is always tomorrow.

You.

Yes you.

I'm talking to YOU, don't look at the person sitting behind.

You've shrunk yourself and shied away from showing up online because you see everyone over sharing and the truth is, you judge.

You've noticed the crazier you appear online, the faster you ‘blow.’

For fear of being judged as you judge others, and you shrink because there are stuff you are not willing to share.

You subconsciously covet ‘blowing’ especially if you know you're competent. Some egoistic voice in your mind whispers to you ‘If I have to dance and act like a clown to make it, I'd rather grind it out..’

First, Who said you have to act like a clown or be what you're not?

Second;

No.

No.

No.

If you truly cared about helping people with your craft, this automatically clears the longing to blow, you'd focus on showing up instead and having fun along the way.

This is why you've been stuck building a personal brand.

This is your key to Set. Yourself. Free.

Pilot.

Random Plugs

Song of the Week: Lana Del Rey: This is What Makes Us Girls

Resource of The Week:

I’ve heard a ton of creators struggling to scale their brand and charge premium. One consultation and the reason is obvious, they don’t look premium.

Tired of cycling the same conversations, so here’s your solution.

Go fix your image. Dress how you want to be addressed.

And no, this is not paid or sponsored. This is my space, I plug what I want, when I want, and when I’m sure it’ll help my people.

You’re welcome, Pilot.

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